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Against a Closed Door

I painted this over 20 years ago. My sons were little tiny boys then. They were born a year apart. I was honored and awed to have these little people and be their mom. It was a good hard work! And a precious work I had no idea how to do so often! This painting reflects the feelings I had of contentment, reflection, overwhelm and exhaustion as a new wife, artist, and mother. Floundering, failing ,sometimes succeeding and grateful- all at the same time. 

Tonight I notice, while looking at this painting again, the little person up against a big door. The tiny person is me. How I feel anyway, as I am not really tiny physically. I just feel tiny often now. Feeling I am up a against a big closed door. My sons are no longer tiny. They are grown. I don't have the same exhaustion of a new mom and wife. I have different reflections and exhaustion now. I feel overwhelmed over other things. I am thinking, and praying... 

I remember one of my favorite texts. It was illustrated through a painting on my very first Bible as a child. A painting of Jesus leaning and knocking on a big wooden door. I was so touched by our Heavenly Father gently knocking at the door of my heart. Touched He would take time to do that for me. A small nobody. A insignificant, bewildered, feeling child. I remember clinging to that little Bible because of the cover painting. Holding it tight against my chest. I had no idea what the inside was saying, as it was hard to read the old King James version. But I later came to understand the tender painting's sweet meaning. It was for everyone, within those delicate, gold- edged pages. I continued to find the whole Bible, kept repeating this beautiful earnest theme and patient invitation from a non-coercive God. Who doesn't barge in. Who doesn't come in without invitation. Who doesn't push His way. He is patient. He lets us turn the knob and open the door. But He knocks. He wants to come in and be with us. 

Perhaps you had a little Bible with this painting on it too. If not, I hope you can visualize it and feel it in your heart. And know it for yourself that Jesus is knocking. And I am sure many of you do.

"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20

I pray for strength, courage and desire to open the door and let Him come in every time He knocks.

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